He Waits
There is a man in London, who waits.
Cage chatter
I like to think I’m on the cutting edge- so I’m making preparation for the day that the kids win and language finally dies. As part of my preparation I’m testing out different forms of communication. The first is what I call “cage-ing”; the process of having a conversation using only the face of Nicolas Cage. The results were quite pleasing. I attach the first conversation to be conducted in pure cage, between myself and Mr. Hannon, for your consideration. If nothing else it will confuse the kids for a while.
Perfect Dark glitches- Bodyguard shuffle
See, this is what I love about Perfect Dark- even 10 years after you finished the thing it’s a game that keeps on giving, much like Cilla Black…or leprocy.
Myself and Mr. Coldicott fired up the XBLA (Xbox live arcade, actually having had to explain what that abbreviation stood for completely negated it’s initial use) version of Perfect Dark last night and set about our favourite past time- breaking games. Now Mr. C is some kind of unholy glitch magnet, so if something can go wrong with a game he’ll usually find it. He explained to me that he’d had a lot of fun on the Airforce one level- disarming all the presidents bodyguards, which would send their Ai a bit nuts as they all still thought they had their guns, albeit jammed. This would leave you with a room of ten guards all leaping about cycling the same animations over and over. Well I was sold- I asked him to jump in and show me. Show me he did, and we laughed. Next was my turn- so I took a different approach. This time I ran straight for the presidents room and introduced him to the finest of knuckle sandwiches before he could accuse me of being a terrorist and setting the dogs on me. I awaited the barrage of bodyguards, armed to the wisdom teeth with guns bigger than the average family dog, to arrive. They did not arrive. Well bugger them I’ll go looking for them. When I found them it seemed I’d become invisible to them. I walked right up in their face and everything. They didn’t want to know. It’s only because one of them was blocking my way that we discovered the shuffle! I shot one in the leg to get him to move out of the way, which worked as planned except with a little bonus. Seems now he would follow me like a faithful lapdog…yet still ignore me. I wondered if it would work with any other guards…seemed it did. All of them!
If you’ve come across any perfect dark glitches of your own then why not leave them in the comments and we’ll try them out!
Your dress is inappropriate
I understand the pressures that Ad agency’s are under to be fresh, cutting edge and attention grabbing. It’s a hard world out there competing for people’s attention; like a spoilt child shouting “mummy look at me!” as they empty your purse into the washing machine and set it on a 120 minuet cycle- hot wash. So spare a thought for the poor saps that put this particular number together. The brief? Advertise a dry cleaning service. The method? Well why not show some lady of the night returning from some sordid evening working as a call girl for some gentry; trying to erase the memories of nights past by giving her…coat (-presumably, as she seems to be wearing everything else) a good quality, affordable priced, wash. Either that or she’s wandered in off the street, blind drunk, and just found a washing machine to prop her up. “Bar keep- another pack of that fizzing stuff!”
It’s the Gas man!
the “Gas man” scene from Bottom is one of my all time favourite TV moments…ever. Upon searching for the clip on you tube- I found this.
I can’t decide if it is genius, or some kind of mind burrowing virus…I feel infected. I can’t get it out of my head…and like every good virus, it must be spread. Enjoy your infection.
Oxscam
Charity shops are an oddity to me. From what I see it boils down to a jumble sale in a shop where the laws appointed to retail take a back seat. None so evident as the laws obtaining to copyright. Whilst scanning the shelves of one of my favourite jumble sale buildings I came across this little beauty- a clearly forged copy of “the Queen”. Either that or the design department and QC crew we’re having a particularly “off” day.
First let’s check out the cover. Not sure how evident it is in the photo but it looks like it was printed on an HP inkjet printer from 1998- the small writing is so fuzzy it’s almost unreadable.
Hey! Check out that spine eh? Beauty! Fits like a glove…like a motorcycle glove on a toddler. Also loving what you’ve done with the logo there to make it fit. Approved!
Now that’s what I call a back cover! Bold, concise and thoroughly unreadable. The font is spot on too- totally fitting of the rest of the design work. Proper gear.
Well they’ve at least spent a bit of money on the disk- the image is printed on and not stuck on with a label, which means if they were going the whole hog they would have got proper pressed DVDs with the silver backs..
Oh no, my mistake- it’s bright purple. Just like real DVDs you find in the shop yeah?
This little number would set you back £2.50 in the charity shop, which is a whopping £1.50 inflation on top of what the shifty bloke in soho originally sold it for. So what’s the crack here? Who’s culpable for some copyright backfire? The bloke who donated it? Or the nice old lady who’s now going to sell it on at market value bound by retail laws? Me thinks charity shops need to step up their vetting process when it comes to material like this- and it’s not like this is the first one I’ve found either, nope there’s been a few. If I find any more, they’re going right here…and they will be mocked.