Thursday, May 30, 2024
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Hello there!

Remember me? It’s Andrew Jenkins. The guy who posts 27% of the content on this website, thus far undermining the desired output of his long-suffering friend and partner, Anthony Brown. I realise that I haven’t exactly been delivering on my promise of daily musings to lace your mind with the refuse of my own so that you may in turn think as I do. This is unacceptable and I am acutely aware of this, so I thought it might be best to share a little grievance with you that has been slowly eroding my patience for the last few years. This gripe has been accumulating on a smaller-than-sub-molecular level so that I barely noticed my annoyance swelling up like some Chocolate-gorging Divorcée at a fondue party, which is probably why I hadn’t realised the scale of my anger until today. My problem is this: I don’t like the things you write.

A controversial thing to announce, made even more risqué given that I wish you to continue reading this article that I have written to explain why I don’t care for your writing. I think it is fair to say that I assume too much in this relationship. If it makes the digestion of these words any easier on your esophagus, then please allow me to stress that I am directing the brunt of my anger at a select few people, who in all likelihood do not include yourself or any of your loved ones.

The people I am referring to are the individuals who leave comments underneath published articles on websites, and the next day on devoted pages in newspapers. Not even all of those people either, just the ones who leave snide little annotations and curt digs at the authors grammar or expression of opinion in general. This is something I have always despised, I guess, but the enormity of this has never really been made apparent to me until this morning. I was reading an article in The Guardian written by David Mitchell in the wake of France’s decision to ban the burqa (an absurd thing in itself, but this is not the time for that discussion so that will have to wait for another post) What bothered me so much was the fact that having read this article and understood it to be an insightful and well-informed observation on the farcical nature of France’s questionable breach of religious doctrine and blatant violation of human rights; there was a stream of comments underneath from a couple of people not instigating further debate on the subject matter or even challenging the authors views to any real extent against their own… no, they either left flippant remarks about David’s grammar (he made one little slip up and they chided him for doing so, being as he is, a Cambridge graduate) or just left their own slanderous remarks to wearers of the burqa in the first instance.

The Guardian profess across their pages and website that “Comment is free…” but should that really be the case when the forum is used so frequently as a soap-box for slander, casual racism and the relentless braying of the uninformed illiterates of society? Should there not be a way of sifting through the deluge of mung-bean-headed idiots who litter the pages with their worthless and trivial utterances, in order to filter through the slush to get to the truly juicy, pertinent comments that have no detrimental effect on the integrity of the piece, nor the infuriated eyes of the casual reader (me) even? I suppose that would be a little bit hypocritical of The Guardian’s statement about comment being free and all. I suppose I don’t want to be seen to be advocating the idea of censorship, do I? This isn’t the People’s Republic of China, after all. Perhaps a little bit of casual IQ testing is required at the foot of these pages in order to post a comment. You know the box you have to fill in with the words drawn in some crazy graphic that allow you to sign up to some website or other? Well they are used to stop spam-mailers from gaining access to the site. Maybe we could establish a similar thing for people submitting comments on websites: in order to post this comment, you must answer the following questions to do with its subject matter in order to determine your suitability to append further remarks.

1: Did God create the universe in seven days?
2: Are the troops stationed in Afghanistan and across the middle-east there for good reason?
3: Are people from non-British countries having a negative effect on the culture and progression of our nation?

If you answered yes to any or all of those questions then you will not be given the option of posting a comment on the website… you may also have your internet connection stripped from you and given to someone else as you are clearly wasting the golden opportunity you have been given to learn of the worlds true nature and have your eyes and, more importantly, your mind opened. You can instead continue to get all of your ideological stimulation from the befouled pages of The Daily Mail. AND DON’T LET ME CATCH YOU ON THE GUARDIAN WEBSITE AGAIN OR I’LL EAT YOUR KIDS.
– Jenkins

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